Wednesday, November 25, 2009

It's A.....

MATCH!!!!
(follow www.dulakfamilyadoption.com for updates)

Today, we found out we will be parents. Yep, parents. Once again, things unfolded fast. Friday we expressed interest in a situation, Monday we talked to our lawyer and a lawyer in Arkansas where the mom is, today we spoke to the birth mom herself. After all of that, we got a call this afternoon that she would like us to parent her child. It is still so surreal to me. The baby is due in March so we have some time to wait. We do not know the gender of the baby at this time but will find out before Christmas.

God is so awesome. Every step of the way since Friday I have seen God work. Every concern I had was answered with affirmation to move forward. This has really stretched me to trust.

Thanksgiving is my all time favorite holiday. What a Thanksgiving gift. This year, I am thankful to serve a God who works in wonderous ways, who hears the hearts cry of his children, who blesses beyond measure. I am thankful that the Lord has found us worthy to raise another child for His kingdom.

So, what can you do? You can pray.
*You can pray for the birth mom (Pinky). She is in a rough situation and we hope to share Christ with her over the months we have to get to know her before the baby is born. Pray that she stays committed to her adoption plan as it truly is what is best for this child.
*You can pray for this baby. To grow strong and safe in the womb.
*You can pray for us. I don't wait well! That we would step out in faith, share Christ, and be a witness to those watching our story unfold.
*You can pray for the Lord's provision. We are walking in faith that the Lord will provide. We are $10,000 short to complete this adoption and desire to not go into debt to do so. The Lord has always been faithful to us as we have been faithful to Him so we step out in trust here.

My friends, you rock. Thank you for your prayers and support. We love you guys.

Father, you are so good to us. We are so undeserving and yet you bless us and love us so much. Thank you for Pinky and her decision to choose life for this child. Help her to find strength and support as she walks this road. May we have the opportunity to bond with her for the purpose of being you to her. Prepare our homes and hearts for another child to raise solely for your kingdom. For you alone will receive all the glory.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

All I need....

After a long week of wondering what the Lord is calling us to do in the arena of adoption...to sit and wait? to actively move? to find an agency? One thing keeps standing out. While it doesn't answer any of my practical questions it gives me comfort and hope. God is God and I am not. His ways are higher than my ways. His plans are perfect. He is ALL that I need. I was reminded this weekend during a marriage conference that I so often get stuck in the small story of my life and my hearts desire. Truly, I want to be in the larger story with kingdom purposes, even if that means my heart desires not being fulfilled.

I love this sound byte...I came across it when I started studying the names of God. It excites me and energizes me when I listen to it. Just to ponder the God we serve. He is ALL that I need.

Hope it speaks to you...and you too realize He is all you need because He is everything.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Drum Roll.....

I don't really want to talk about it but seeing I post my business I guess I have to post this. We heard back tonight about the adoption situation. While our papers were in route to the agency, the birth mom gave birth. Seeing she did not know there was an interested family, she has decided to parent her son. She knows that should she not be able to there is a family waiting.

Pray for Marlorie and her son. Pray that his needs are number one and that the right decisions are made. I know God's plan is perfect but really, I don't want to hear it right now. Maybe tomorrow. I don't understand the wait when we know the Lord has promised more children. I really think I'd be ok if my poor daughter didn't want siblings so bad. She cried tonight and asked why no one ever picks us. We had to explain we didn't even have a chance, we weren't rejected. God is sovereign over all. Such tough lessons for a 5 year old. Hey, tough lesson for me!

Thanks for listening to the saga. The lesson in this story is that no matter what, God is faithful. The lyrics to Mark Schultz's song stick out right now....He is, He was, He always will be. Even when it feels like there is no one holding me, be still my soul, He is.

Lord, I don't get it. I don't get being so sure of something that isn't. While I don't get it, and don't like, I will choose to trust in your character and not in my circumstances. Direct our steps as we seek what to do next. We desire to walk in your will no matter the road that it takes us down. Help my heart and my head to match up when I am doubting or having a pity party. Thank you for holding my tears in your hand and for loving me even when I doubt and question you. I know, you love me just the same.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Test Me... Love, God

2 blogs in one day! I never thought I'd blog my personal business yet here I am. So I was having these doubts today or attacks after I posted all confidently. **If you don't know the story, read the previous blog first** In my head & heart I KNOW God can provide but my humanity, the super planned out self, is just struggling with the what ifs of this situation from the financial realm. In all reality, I can't attend a play date spur of the moment without it on the calendar and I have to sit back seat to needing a massive boat load of cash?

So, I'm doubting and my phone rings. Seriously? My girlfriend Brooke calls and asks "are you doubting?" I'm like yes. She says the Lord told me to call you and encourage you. Same girlfriend who dropped Malachi 3:10
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it"
in my lap Saturday drops Micah 7:7
But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."
Yesterday the Lord gave me Joel 2:26
"will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God, who has worked wonders for you.
Yet somehow I'm still struggling. Talk about thick skulls on God's children...at least this child!

So no joke, I get in my car right after talking to Brooke...sidenote: daughter and I made pies today to take to WWII veterans...ya'll should try it sometime. We think we are blessing them when really they bless us...ok, so in the car delivering pies and my favorite radio station is doing their fall giving campaign and what do they say....this is totally paraphrased.... the Lord tells us numerous time in the Bible not to test him, yet in one spot he says to test him...financially...Malachi 3:10...He says test Him, He will provide beyond what we think. Seriously?

Just wanted to share how the Lord reaffirms even when we doubt. How amazing is he? So friends, if the Lord gives you a word, verse, anything in your prayer time share it cause you are all a part of this final story. I love you all and covet your prayers.

Total side notes:
1. I have now noticed I love the word, "seriously?"
2. I have an obsession with "......"
3. Michelle...saw your comments. So glad Brooke told you. I was so sad to hear about the doggie...I have been praying for you guys!
4. If you don't have serious girlfriends who can intercede for you, speak truth to you, ask hard questions like "do you tithe faithfully" (thanks B), and say things like don't worry about diapers and formula...then you need to find some. No, ask the Lord for them...He has divinely given me all of you.

In the Waiting

There is a song I have always liked. It totally applies to my life right this very minute.




Some of you who have discovered my blog know my story. My dream for a big family, the miscarriage of a child, and years of infertility. For the last almost year and a half, we have been certified as adoptive parents with no matches made yet.

On Friday, I came across a situation in Florida of a birth mom seeking a family for her son who is due to be born next week. The Lord has unfolded so much in the last few days. I inquired with the agency to find out if the mom was still looking for a family, because in my mind, how can you not pick a family if you are due next week! We prayed that if this was not for us to explore that the birth mom would have her adoption plans made and the door would close.

We heard back Sunday night that the mom has not picked a family and that we should get our documents sent right away. Our portfolio should arrive in Florida today and today or tomorrow the birth mom will be presented our paperwork for consideration.

So the cool stuff involved in this story: The birth mom and dad are Haitian. My family has dreamed of adopting from Haiti. Haiti's laws prevent us from adopting directly from Haiti for 2 more years. This child, a boy, will be Haitian American. Our church supports Haiti above any country in missions work, my daughter feeds orphaned children in Haiti. My family has a heart tie to the country of Haiti.

Why am I blogging all of this?
1. Though I am trying to stay rational because she may not pick us, I can't. I am so excited that this could be it.
2. We believe the birth mom will see our paperwork tomorrow and we have decided to "declare a holy fast" like the repentant people Joel speaks of in Joel 1:14. We'd love for you to join us in prayer and fasting tomorrow.
3. We need prayers. The birth mom needs prayers. The baby needs prayers... regardless of the end result.

Lord, we are waiting on you. We are hopeful and trusting your plan and leading. Help us not to get ahead of you as we walk this road. Lord, we will step out in obedience as you call us to. Give us strength to wait. Waiting is so hard, especially for me. Help me to keep my eyes on you, knowing you are Jehovah-Jireh and not on the circumstances. Thank you for the godly friends who speak truth and discernment into my life. They have been your instruments to me and I am grateful for their friendship. I will worship you while I wait for you are the only one worthy of my praise.


**if you haven't seen the movie that this video is from, you need to**

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Grace & Ungrace

I'm reading Philip Yancey's book, What's so Amazing about Grace. Mainly I am reading it because I have issues. I have issues with believing grace is enough...well, not so much that grace is enough but that I am enough. You know, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, liked enough....I have always struggled with who I think I am verses who God says I am. So, after my Life Purpose Coaching experience, I came to grips with all my "issues" and decided to read up on a few topics, one of which is grace.

Grace is described by Yancey as a gift that costs the giver everything and the recipient nothing. The Bible says, I am saved by GRACE through faith. It is the GIFT of God not of myself (eph. 2:8). Jesus died for me on the cross. It cost the giver (Jesus) everything and the recipient (me) nothing.

As I study the Word of God I have begun to embrace the glimpses I get of what God thinks of me. He created my inmost being (ps. 139), He created & formed me (is. 43) which means I am who He wants me to be. Everything that is in me is on purpose. He knows the hairs on my head (matt. 10), He knows when I sit, when I lay, what I will say (ps. 139). Being dissatisfied with myself or comparing myself to others really is disrespect and dishonor for God's creation.

So, the cool thing about grace? God accepts me, owns me, holds me, affirms me & would never let me go even if he was not much impressed with what his hands were on (P. Yancey). Grace is unconditional.

The problem with Grace today is that we, in American society run on ungrace. Yancey talks about how every institution runs on the notion that we have to earn our own way. We start this model as young as Kindergarten when we test our kids to see if they are "normal," "slow," or "advanced." School papers are returned with all the failures marked. Corporations grade employees. The military ranks people over others. We idolize and hold up models who are starving themselves to reach the ideal. Success is defined by beating out your neighbor, being the best, clawing your way to the top...earning your own way. I come from a denominational background as a kid where I was taught I had to earn my way. I grew up thinking I had to earn good grades, be smart, pretty, perfect...those were the lies I believed by no one's fault but the enemies.

So, when we live in a society that runs on ungrace and earning your own way, no wonder people struggle to grasp God's love and the gift of grace. Yancey said, "The notion of God's love coming to us free of charge, no strings attached seems to go against every instinct of humanity." Our human nature can not understand love with no strings and acceptance without earning it. Yet this is the truth. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (rom. 5:8).

There is no loop hole that excludes you & me from God's love. No act committed, no words spoken, no rebellion so bad that you are outside of the love of God. So, I am going to rest in His grace. I am not going to try to earn God's love or people's acceptance.

What about you? Is God's grace enough? His grace is enough for me.