Blessings in Disguise

So often the things that are good for us come in a package that we really don't want. It has been so good for me to slow down. It has been so good to take things off the calendar and just be a wife and mother to the best of my ability. My relationship with Abby has improved over the last few weeks because mom is not stressed out over the 100 things she feels she needs to do. So, while I would have preferred skipping this road of depression/anxiety or whatever we want to label it (there is some possible OCD involved as well)...the lessons are important to learn.

While some comment about not serving enough, not being involved in enough activities for Abby, ect, I wonder who gets to define "enough". When I run at the pace the world sets or even people I know that mean well, I can't handle the pressure and stress.

This is a season for me of focusing inward. In the walls of my home, in the hearts of my girls, in meeting my husbands needs, of raising up children to love and serve the Lord and His people. If this slow down didn't come by force, I don't think I would have embraced the change to be "that" mom. The one who hangs out at home in sweats a few days a week never leaving the house. Spending my days homeschooling and playing in the leaves and having picnics and cooking. Catching spiders as specimens and making salt maps of Egypt. I am enjoying being mom right now and that is a precious blessing.

When I wasn't feeling well, I couldn't read books...my focus wasn't there. Now, I can read again but it has to be something I am really interested in. I picked up a book recommended by a friend (thanks JBACG), Growing Grateful Kids by Susie Larson. I love the book so far. Here is a nugget that struck a cord with me today about being content....(yes, another issue I struggle with)...

"The sin of comparison triggers two kinds of responses from us: pride and/or despair. If we compare ourselves to someone who struggles with an issue that is a strength area for us, we will be tempted toward pride. And if we compare ourselves to someone who is strong and gifted in an area where we are messy and weak, we'll be tempted towards despair. Whenever we look to the right or to the left and compare ourselves with others, we'll perceive ourselves through a skewed lens. That's why Jesus wants us to spend most of our time looking up. He is writing a beautiful story with our lives. He doesn't want us to want someone else's story...because ours fits us perfectly. What a shame to throw a book across the room because we don't like the chapter we're living at the moment!"

This is a great lesson for me. As I step into this season of simple living, I have to not compare myself to others. I tend to do this and I tend to compare myself with women who are in seasons ahead of me. I have little ones and I have to embrace the story God has written for me and not want someone else's story.

More Victories

Things have been going really well! I tackled another Sunday at church and did really well. I took Abby on a date Friday night to do her first horseback trail ride. I had a blast...I forgot how much I missed riding. Abby had some scares but did great. Yesterday my mil watched the kids to let me go out on my own. I went shopping for 3 hours and had no anxiety at all!

I really do think that this has been a blessing in disguise. I have really slowed down and removed all the extras from my calendar. I am enjoying the kids more and yelling way less (yep, I was the mom who said I'd never yell at my kids...).

God is faithful in restoring us...we just have to wait on His timing and His ways. The lessons you learn along the way are invaluable.

Victory

I so often see the negatives of how I am not better yet so I decided I have to start looking for the victories, big or small.

Sunday was a big victory in my book. I got up, showered, went to church (not in sweatpants!), made it through the ENTIRE service (with a sleeping baby on me), and felt a connection to the Spirit of the Living God. It felt good to be there. It was totally different than the feeling I had 3 weeks ago.

After church, Drew was so happy that I was out of the house he took us to lunch. So, not only did I go to church I went to a restaurant. Now, I will not tell a lie..I did need to take my anxiety medication to go but still, it worked and I was out and doing ok.

So, victory! For a person who loves to do things and fix things asap, this baby step process is so hard. I see a new Dr. today so I'm interested to hear what they think.