Victories

I had two victories this past week.

The first (though I needed 1/2 an anxiety pill), was to take the girls and the grandmas to Canada for the Bird Kingdom. Now, anyone who knows me knows

1. I deeply dislike customs

2. Not a fan of the Canadian Bridge

3. Don't like driving if I don't know where I am going

4. Don't like driving in snow (and yes we had major snow that day)

And I did it...all. No problems at all. We had a great girls outing.

The second victory was church this Sunday. This was the first Sunday I did not take anxiety meds before going! Not only did I not take it but I went to both services, co-lead a group with Drew, and juggled the baby.

I've been doing well day to day but as soon as stressors come in I crumble. I'm keeping my load light and pressing on. I am having trouble putting weight on still which is causing headaches and fatigue. I have some appointments coming up to figure out what to do.

I am super grateful to the friends who have been by my side the whole time and lifting me up in prayer....you guys rock!

One Million Moms

I am a part of One Million Moms and it has been rewarding to have my voice heard. I have watched women, moms, and Grandmothers come together to share in the concern over what our children are seeing through media. If you aren't a part of this group, I encourage you to join and have your voice heard. It takes me seconds to sign a petition or email a company about what is on tv. Join me.....

From an email from Monica Cole, Director of OneMillionMoms:

Your help is greatly appreciated as we prepare to tackle ungodly values in the media this year! The more moms and grandmothers we have sending emails the cleaner the airwaves will be for our children and grandchildren.

There is power in numbers! With God's help, there is no limit what we can accomplish this year.

We greatly appreciate donations, but there are some who cannot support OMM financially at this time. Several have contacted me to ask on top of sending emails what else could they do. Here is another way you can help!

I need you to forward this email or send your own personal email to amazing Christian women just like you to join OneMillionMoms.com.

Please join OneMillionMoms.com to have your voice heard. We are making a remarkable difference!

Oh, and for the husbands, check out One Million Dads.com

Role Models

I don't write this to judge or condemn anyone just as food for thought.

As parents it is our job to "train up our child(ren) in the way they should go." We are to model Jesus to them and have relationships with others that will model Jesus to them. My question is, Why do we as parents allow role models into our children's lives that do not point to Jesus?

This conversation came up with my husband and I as he read the news article on Fox and saw the video about Miley Cyrus. Clearly she has made her share of mistakes from topless photos to pole dancing on tv. But this video of her smoking from a glass bong just adds more fuel to why she is NOT a good role model for kids. My husband and I were saddened for her and for all the parents out there buying Hannah Montana merchandise for their kids this Christmas.

We believe that what children watch on tv, or the toys they play with, or people they hang around will indeed dictate who they look up to. I wonder if parents are paying attention to what the role models in their children's lives are up to. I'm curious for people to weigh in on if they think this is a big deal. I do. I know we pulled a movie from our daughter when the main star went into rehab. We talked about her poor choices and how that is not someone to look up to. I'm not saying I have this all figured out. Often times we get comments on how much we keep from our kids. We are told you have to let them watch _____ or listen to _____ or else they won't fit in. Last time I checked, we are not to "conform to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds."

Thoughts?

My Obsession

Totally irrelevant to what I normally blog about but...I am obsessed right now with Rachael Ray's Cran-Apple-Onion Open Faced Turkey Sammies!

While feeding the baby the other day I turned on the tv to see if anything was worth gazing at. Racheal Ray was on (which I normally don't watch) but she was cooking up these thanksgiving leftover sandwiches. Abby came out of her room and wanted to know what she was cooking because it looked so good. (Abby loves to cook). We watched and decided to try the recipe that night with our leftover turkey. Daddy wasn't home so it was a good night to experiment. We both loved them. I have made them 3 times in the last 2 weeks. So, seeing I love them so much I thought I would post the recipe.

Rachael Ray's Official Website :: Cran-Apple-Onion Open-Face Turkey Sammies

Have you told Him lately?

I gave my husband this song the other day. He has been my rock during the ups and downs of my depression and anxiety. It so fits our life right now. There are good days and bad days. There are days I doubt getting better or being back to "normal" (whatever that means).

Check it out.

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you.

When was the last time you told your spouse how much they mean to you?

When was the last time you thanked God for them?

Find a creative way to let them know what they mean to you...we are never promised another day, maybe not even another moment. Don't waste an opportunity.

God Speaks

During this season of struggle so many people have questioned why we haven't put Abby into school. My answer was always simple...because God called us to home school. I hadn't heard anything different from Him so why change course?

I talked to some people who have home schooled despite poor health for all of their kids schooling and I talked to some who due to health put their kids into public or private school. Over the course of time I started to doubt my ability to home school, care for the baby, maintain the home and still be sane by days end. We looked into the cost of private school and in my mind I was weighing the options. All the while, I have been homeschooling and Abby is learning a ton (so am I). Some days are great and some not so much.

The clarity for me came this week. My HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association) magazine came and the feature article was about homeschooling from bed. I thought the article was going to be about snuggling up in bed reading, one of the benefits of being home. Instead, people shared their stories of homeschooling despite medical issues because that was God's call for them.

I am thankful that God provided clarity that this is His call for our family. Should the course change, He will change it. He continues to give me the strength I need everyday to do what needs to be done.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:4 & 5

Doctor Updates

I had a physical this week and the Dr. is pleased with how I am doing on the medication. I am definitely improving and am so grateful that God created doctors and medicine (even though I was so resistant).

The current battle I am facing is the fast weight loss this anxiety/depression has caused. People say things like "oh to have that problem" but they don't understand that being this underweight is causing severe fatigue, headaches, and several other issues. So, I started calorie counting today to try to eat enough to add the lost weight. If I could only eat dairy and wheat...pizza, cheese, greasy fries.... yummm. With my diet being healthier over the last year and a half, it is hard to find high calorie foods I can eat. Anyways, that is the issue right now.

I look forward to having my energy back. To not being in bed by 8pm. To be able to go out on a date with my hubby and not be exhausted....yes, those days are coming...it's just a long road to get there... but they are coming....

Blessings in Disguise

So often the things that are good for us come in a package that we really don't want. It has been so good for me to slow down. It has been so good to take things off the calendar and just be a wife and mother to the best of my ability. My relationship with Abby has improved over the last few weeks because mom is not stressed out over the 100 things she feels she needs to do. So, while I would have preferred skipping this road of depression/anxiety or whatever we want to label it (there is some possible OCD involved as well)...the lessons are important to learn.

While some comment about not serving enough, not being involved in enough activities for Abby, ect, I wonder who gets to define "enough". When I run at the pace the world sets or even people I know that mean well, I can't handle the pressure and stress.

This is a season for me of focusing inward. In the walls of my home, in the hearts of my girls, in meeting my husbands needs, of raising up children to love and serve the Lord and His people. If this slow down didn't come by force, I don't think I would have embraced the change to be "that" mom. The one who hangs out at home in sweats a few days a week never leaving the house. Spending my days homeschooling and playing in the leaves and having picnics and cooking. Catching spiders as specimens and making salt maps of Egypt. I am enjoying being mom right now and that is a precious blessing.

When I wasn't feeling well, I couldn't read books...my focus wasn't there. Now, I can read again but it has to be something I am really interested in. I picked up a book recommended by a friend (thanks JBACG), Growing Grateful Kids by Susie Larson. I love the book so far. Here is a nugget that struck a cord with me today about being content....(yes, another issue I struggle with)...

"The sin of comparison triggers two kinds of responses from us: pride and/or despair. If we compare ourselves to someone who struggles with an issue that is a strength area for us, we will be tempted toward pride. And if we compare ourselves to someone who is strong and gifted in an area where we are messy and weak, we'll be tempted towards despair. Whenever we look to the right or to the left and compare ourselves with others, we'll perceive ourselves through a skewed lens. That's why Jesus wants us to spend most of our time looking up. He is writing a beautiful story with our lives. He doesn't want us to want someone else's story...because ours fits us perfectly. What a shame to throw a book across the room because we don't like the chapter we're living at the moment!"

This is a great lesson for me. As I step into this season of simple living, I have to not compare myself to others. I tend to do this and I tend to compare myself with women who are in seasons ahead of me. I have little ones and I have to embrace the story God has written for me and not want someone else's story.

More Victories

Things have been going really well! I tackled another Sunday at church and did really well. I took Abby on a date Friday night to do her first horseback trail ride. I had a blast...I forgot how much I missed riding. Abby had some scares but did great. Yesterday my mil watched the kids to let me go out on my own. I went shopping for 3 hours and had no anxiety at all!

I really do think that this has been a blessing in disguise. I have really slowed down and removed all the extras from my calendar. I am enjoying the kids more and yelling way less (yep, I was the mom who said I'd never yell at my kids...).

God is faithful in restoring us...we just have to wait on His timing and His ways. The lessons you learn along the way are invaluable.

Victory

I so often see the negatives of how I am not better yet so I decided I have to start looking for the victories, big or small.

Sunday was a big victory in my book. I got up, showered, went to church (not in sweatpants!), made it through the ENTIRE service (with a sleeping baby on me), and felt a connection to the Spirit of the Living God. It felt good to be there. It was totally different than the feeling I had 3 weeks ago.

After church, Drew was so happy that I was out of the house he took us to lunch. So, not only did I go to church I went to a restaurant. Now, I will not tell a lie..I did need to take my anxiety medication to go but still, it worked and I was out and doing ok.

So, victory! For a person who loves to do things and fix things asap, this baby step process is so hard. I see a new Dr. today so I'm interested to hear what they think.